Is it Wednesday?

Hello y’all, how are you on this Wednesday afternoon? I’ve just popped in to put to bed a little bit of chatter that’s come to my attention. To clear everything up I suffer from severe ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I’m not depressed, bipolar, borderline or any of the other suggestions being made.

It doesn’t mean I can’t work, or concentrate, or complete tasks. I suffer from a high level of hyperactivity but that doesn’t mean what you think it does either. Plus ADHD can also predispose you to other conditions like dyslexia. Unfortunately the mainstream media has twisted the disorder to suit their strange narrative as have many in the adjacent medical professions. Trust me red food colouring has nothing to do with it.

Medication helps but doesn’t cure. ADHD meds are usually talked about in hushed tones, we’re all being given ‘illicit drugs’. Sorry, right now I have to say that that is the biggest load of BS that was ever perpetrated by the mainstream media, the natural health industry, and Hollywood. Shows like Desperate Housewives, where they shared their kid’s Ritalin, comes to mind. We are strictly monitored by our psychs, GP’s, and Governmental health authorities.

My meds don’t make me buzzed, they calm my brain so I can function. They quiet my brain, they take away the ‘static noise’ and the need to move, jiggle, and fidget. It’s not a sedative though. If a person who doesn’t have ADHD took my medication it would make them sick and very much on edge and not in a good way. Unfortunately the benefits don’t last long and you need to structure your day around them.

I feel deeply embarrassed and ashamed of my neurodiversity. I repeat myself, over-explain myself, over-share. I apologise for everything, I feel stupid 90% of the time. At the moment I’m going through a difficult patch. I spent a lot of the weekend crying because I just feel stupid and everyone outside my close family circle thinks I’m half mad. Some days I can’t write a sentence, the words come out jumbled and in the wrong order. I feel strongly, deeply, passionately about things, I am reactive. I talk with my hands, I’m loud. But I’m also very, very shy and socially anxious to the point I’m almost agoraphobic. I both love and loathe my ADHD brain.

So there it is, ADHD not any of the other things being discussed.

Ps. now you know why I haven’t finished the sloth quilt. I actually can’t make my brain focus on it. I think it’s cursed *giggles*.

Pps. is it really Wednesday?

25 thoughts on “Is it Wednesday?”

  1. What an extremely talented lady you are! Thank you for all you do for us and no worries on the ADHD I think if we are honest we all have something that makes us different, not in a bad way just on a different level! You take care of yourself and realize we may not personally know each other but that doesn’t mean the caring and concern isn’t real, because it is! Virtual Hugs to You!

  2. Toni,
    You are up in my list of one of the most creative quilters I know! I have followed you for a long time. I LOVE your patterns!
    I have a is going thru a very hard time right now..a lost relationship…because of ADH. Breaks my heart. He is so very talented in so many areas. But just has a hard time coping…as sometimes happens. So I totally understand. I think alot of the most talented people are talented because of their condition.
    We will keep following you…and just because you are a pubic figure you don’t have to explain!:)

  3. As a mother of 2 adult sons with ADHD I completely understand what you are saying. My eldest son decided to stop his Ritalin for a number of years in his 20’s but decided “trying to be normal” with out it was almost impossible and he was exhausted. He is now back on medication and he is feeling much better. One of things I always found sad is the need for my sons to appear “normal” as accepting them the way they were wasnt ok in society – being different is still a problem.

  4. I am so sorry you felt you had to share something private. It should be on your own terms weather or not you talk about something so personal.
    I do not understand why people feel it necessary to poke their nose in where it doesn’t belong! Take care of yourself. You are a very generous, amazingly talented person! Live life on your own terms and the rest will fall into place.
    Wishing you peace and happiness!

  5. Hi, I have been receiving your emails and using your patterns for a long time. There are lots like me throughout the world who love what you do, who enjoy your emails and who are wishing you well. You are not alone, you are appreciated and loved by us quilters and we are all sending you a hug. We have never met but I consider you a friend and wish you well

  6. I agree with everyone else. You are a talented person who very generously shares your talent with others. I have my own health issues that others just don’t get so I partially understand. Social media can be a real hazard when people don’t have any filters, or manners. Thank you for being you and know you have a lot of fans who care about your well being.

  7. I think you are wonderful and very creative. I loved that you shared, but shame on those who judged you in any way. Most of us have issues, but hide away in our homes. You are strong and brave enough to share your gifts. Good Bless you and your family.

  8. Toni, you are such an amazing woman that ADHD is the smallest of details. Appreciate your every talent, look at yourself and see how wonderful you are! A lot of people are inspired by you, and believe me, many wanted to be you! Each of us has something that bothers us, and it’s okay to feel that, because we’re not perfect. But there are things that are not infinitely small, that we shouldn’t value so much.
    You are very wonderful, never forget that!

  9. Prayers for you! I think you do an amazing job. And for the sleuths….I thought it was just a creative block! We all have them.

  10. I can so relate. I have ADD, not the hyperactivity part. The first time I took a dose of ritalin I was actually amazed how clear my brain was. Then I promptly took a nap because my brain was quiet.

    1. OMG Sarah, yes, the first day I took Vyvanse (slow release) it was like putting on a pair of prescription glasses after seeing blurry images for so long. Everything came into focus, the static went quiet, and I promptly fell asleep lolz. Hugs and thank yous! xx

  11. \I might be dumb as well as I’ve never thought of it. Some people are just born complainer’s. I love your work and you are so generous sharing it with us. We all have our share of problems, health or otherwise, and need to accept people for who they are and not what we think they are. I am always surprised when people start picking apart pieces of others, it is not in my nature to do so for I find people are just like me, a little imperfect but trying to live their life as well as I try to live mine. so what if it takes you longer to do some things we all have that problem. My philosophy for myself is that if others don’t like me for who I am then they can go jump in the lake.

  12. Toni,
    I too suffer from ADHD, ADD, Dyslexia and Hyperactivity. But that’s ok as it’s what makes me who I am. You just keep on being your very talented and beautiful self and ignore all the naysayers who have no idea. Your an amazing person.

    1. Anita, thank you so much. I’m good with the diagnosis but a lifetime of being told I’m lazy and stupid and weird has left a few scars. I’m so tired of explaining and defending myself on a daily basis. Thanks to our media too many people don’t think it’s a real neurological disorder. Ps. my dyslexia appears or worsens when I’m tired.

  13. Amen to what Kay said! Live your best life and let the fools be the fools. In my eyes, you do amazing things!!! I don’t think I have a creative bone in my body, so I am always amazed when I find so many that are not only creative, but are kind enough to share their creativity with all of us who don’t have a clue!! 🙂 Thank you for sharing. The only thing that matters is that you do what you want to do and enjoy doing it!! God Bless.

  14. Toni, who raised this? I might be dumb as I’ve never even thought of it but then I take friends as I find them. My daughter has ADHD too. And she’s very clever, achieves a lot and goes like the Energiser battery!

    1. Hi Karen, thanks so much for leaving a comment. There’s been a bit of gossip on some of the Facebook quilting forums. I overwork to the point of medical exhaustion, I don’t switch off, sometimes I can’t or I forget to. The Energiser battery has to explode first which it does quite regularly lol. I will even forget to eat. My daughters have ADHD too and both are considered intellectually gifted. xx

  15. My hat is off to you!!! You are a truly amazing and extremely talented lady!! I am so sorry that people are saying things about you. You are a warrior for taking up for yourself and setting people straight. You were concise and informative about your condition. Thank you for the explanation but you do not need to feel anything but happy that you are you! You bring joy through your talents. Thank you!!!

  16. I’m sorry that you feel the need to defend & explain yourself. You are amazingly creative & inspirational, & I hope you recognise that your special talents are probably a resultant gift of your buzzy brain. I remember the benefits of my son’s Dex when he was younger- it certainly calmed his neurotransmitters so messages could make their connections in his brain without misfiring. I am saddened that you feel desperate at times & hope your strengths outweigh your dilemmas. With ❤

  17. You are wonderful! Thank you for sharing your story. Your talents and artistry is joyful and makes you feel happy.

  18. You are doing amazing things in that case. You do what you have to do to live a calmer life, good on you and well said.

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