Rainbows.

Hi everyone, 

I’m not sure how to write this but I’ve been put in a situation where I feel I need to explain why I haven’t been around much lately.

The ongoing situation with our neighbour has worsened and a great deal of the violence and malevolence is now being aimed at us. Just after the New Year my daughter and I bore the brunt of what I can only describe as a terrifyingly violent and threatening act. We weren’t harmed physically, thank goodness, because there was a ‘weapon’ involved and it was brandished at us. For me it was a defining day. **

You’ll be proud of me, I stood between my family and this person – an angry and protective Mama Bear. However weeks later I’m still shocked and reeling from the effects. I’m both angry and numb. Scared but defiant, and so, so tired. I’ve been pushed well beyond my limits of empathy, understanding, and tolerance. My self-confidence has plummeted to sub-zero levels and I’m finding it difficult to be positive and productive. Strangely I’m embarassed to share my quilts with you.

I try not to overshare these things, more than once I’ve been told to stick to writing about quilting. I could pretend that everything is rainbow fabric and applique unicorns but the truth is some days I can barely breath from the fear and anxiety I (we) live with. It is so much easier to tell you I’m unwell (you must think I’m always sick!) than tell the simple truth that we’re living in an intolerable situation that we haven’t yet been able to escape from. xx

**alleged.

28 comments

  1. You have been so strong for so long. I admire you. I don’t know how you have managed to survive all that you have been through.

  2. Pat your self on the back for being able to share this with us. Don’t be afraid to share with people, it does help. Mental health is a struggle and you aren’t alone in this. Good on you for standing strong. Never be embarrassed by your quilts, they always bring a smile to my face.

  3. Excuse me but I for one am more than happy for you to share your thoughts and feelings. Any one who says otherwise has no compassion as far as I’m concerned. I am really sorry you and your family have to put up with this intolerable scary situation but I am not surprised these days. Be well, stay well and know that you are cared about. xxx

  4. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I lived in fear of a controlling, possessive and violent stepfather. I do know what you are going thru. You are strong. You stand strong because you are a very strong woman. Do keep law enforcement informed. Get some help. What you went thru is traumatic. I can appreciate that. I wish only the very best for you. You’re on a tough journey but you’ll made it thru. Get back to doing the thing you love the best. We are all behind you. I love your work and my Great Grands love your quilts. We all love you as well.

  5. Sending you hugs and hopes that all will work out in the very near future for you and your family. Life is just too short be live it being terrified by others. Your creations are definitely sunshine…may your life be that way soon!

  6. My thoughts are with you. You must struggle to face every day, being in such a terrible situation. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. “They” say we always have a choice, but that is simply not always true. Your situation does not seem to have a solution so all I can offer is words of support.

  7. Oh Toni, I can’t imagine the stress you are living under. I certainly will add you and your family to our prayer list. By family I am guessing there are still children at home. That makes it even more stressful. I have read some of the other comments, and there is nothing I can add except to say that I care and am praying for you all.

  8. Oh, I am so sorry for your situation. How terrifying. My thoughts, well wishes and prayers are going out to you. There are a lot of people from all over the world who are here for you. Hang tough Mama Bear.

  9. Oh Toni I am so sorry. So brave of you to share . Don’t worry about us, we are all there to support you -do what you need to do for you and your family and when you can get back to the quilting business -we will be waiting for you😊 Hopefully you all can find a way out of this situation very soon. I began following you many years ago when my mom was in and out of the hospital. Your fun and cheerful blogs helped me get through a rough period of time! Sending you and your family prayers and good thoughts !!! Debbi

  10. Never apologize for taking care of you or your family! I am horrified you have to deal with this situation, but I am proud of you for standing your ground. I LOVE your AMAZING work!

  11. Who could function in such conditions? But know that we love you and your talent for designing such wonderful patterns. No one can take that away from you. i pray that somehow this nightmare gets resolved and you can get on with your life. God bless you and your family to keep you safe.

  12. Very brave of you to share. We are humans- and sometimes frail- it is okay & healthy to ask for help, and empathy. Much love to you & yours across the universe. M

  13. It’s just awful… thinking of you. I know that doesn’t help but I will still think of you …xx
    Hugz

  14. Oh Toni

    You poor thing. Mental health is real. Don’t hide from it and don’t be afraid to share it. If people don’t like what they read on YOUR blog they can leave. It’s your blog, your rules.

    I wish we had a solution to give you for the neighbour situation.

    Keep breathing and share if you need to.

  15. Sounds very traumatic. I am sorry. Sounds like you may be suffering from PTSD. It would not hurt to reach out. You have reached out to us in blog community and there is little we can do but raise your confidence. Talk to someone. That may seem scary, but you will probably feel better sooner. Well wishes coming your way, all the way from Texas! ((((hugs)))

    • Thanks hon. We’re getting ongoing professional counselling and help, plus victims of crime support. It helps but doesn’t solve the underlying problem :o< It's been like living in a TV show. xx

  16. There are so many truly sick people in this world, like your neighbour, who could blame you for taking a leave of absence to recoup? They’re everywhere unfortunately…but some of us are lucky enough not to live next door to them…you take care there! Family first!

    • Thanks for understanding Connie. We have been at the receiving end of a lot of victim blaming over the past couple of years. I always appreciate when someone understands that our current situation could happen to anyone and that it isn’t our fault. Even our pets are suffering from stress and anxiety! xx

  17. It’s a horrible situation you have to put up with and you did a good job of being Mama Bear..
    Only hope that your neighbours move, or you can !

    • Thanks Maria. Our neighbour isn’t going anywhere soon and I have affidavits (for the Court) saying that our house can’t be sold under the current circumstances. We were shocked to be told by someone in authority that the only probable way out at this point is for this person to die from an overdose. That kind of thing really shocks you to the core. xx

  18. You’ve done really well to keep going and “come clean” with your followers — WELL DONE! Your situation sounds too horrible for words and I really hope it improves dramatically soon so that you can take control of your life again. Glad to hear you’re not physically ill and hopefully your emotional life will return to normal very soon. Support in the form of email hugs!

  19. Well done Mama bear! Wow, that situation would take it’s toll on anyone, no wonder you feel all you are feeling! I so hope you and your family are able to find somewhere to feel safe very soon. Lots of ‘helpless’ hugs and caring thoughts coming your way from this ‘kiwi cousin’.

    • Thanks so much Debbie. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry or frightened in my life. It was one of those defining moments in life. There is very little anyone can do, we’ve tried everything, we just need to make it through to the other side of the nightmare. xx

  20. Praying there is a “Happy ending” to this & that you can get back to what you love doing without all this anxiousness living in fear!! xxx

  21. I can’t even imagine. I’ve been following you for a while now and know that she’s also started fires. I know nothing about Australian laws, but I hope that you can get some legal help. My prayers are with you and your family.

    • So many fires Chersti. The fires scare me the most, the latest was about 3m wide at the base and the flames as tall as a two storey building. All on a small suburban block. Nothing I can do. xx

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